Driving dream with Em

Remember driving around with Em.  We had bags packed and in our car.  Big vehicle, like and old bronco or something.  We stopped somewhere and were like looking around for stuff.  We went out to get in the truck and leave but a group of women were in our truck.  I yelled for them to get out, and give our truck back and I reached through the window and wrestled the keys out of the one girls hand.  They got out and Em and I jumped in.  Em got in the front seat and reached up on the dash and grabbed what looked like half a smoked joint and said "what the hell" and threw it out the window.  We drove away and came to a road and I said "might as well go right".  We turned right and made it to a place that was like either a bus station, or some kind of transportation place.  There were men in cop uniforms or security guard outfits.  I asked them how far to Uniontown NJ?  (i don't think there is such a place)  The man said "wow, you're like a whole day away from there"  and he asked us what we were doing there.  I told him that we were just riding around looking for things. Then i woke up, realized that I overslept.  I never even set my alarm last night.

The Blissfully Ignorant

Did you ever notice that Annoying, self righteous, critical, egotistical people tend to walk around blissfully ignorant to the fact that they are like this?    

More peaceful today

Considering that earlier in the week I was on the verge of tears.  Feeling a heavy weight of sadness.  I have to say that I feel a little lighter today.  I could dwell on why my mood is up, especially because nothing at all has changed in my life.  The annoying people still plague me, and the same issues are there.  So lets not go there, lets not try and figure out why all that crap isn't getting to me.  It's friday!

the store with brandy dream

Dreamed I was taking brandy, Shane and azy to the store.  We were headed to the car to load up and brandy said she wanted to get her hair cut, but wanted to do it by herself.  Shane looked confused a little, but I suggested she head over to the salon while me and Shane loaded the car with our groceries.  She went and Shane and I started loading the car.  The back of my car had a shelf.  I started loading my groceries on the right and Shane was sticking theirs on the left side, azy was just sitting in the cart watching, then I woke up.

work dream, no help boss

Lynn and I were working, and it was late.  It was dark outside, we felt stressed, and rushed, deadline of some sort was gaining on us.  There was a creepy feel to the office.  I stood up and turned around and looked between my file cabinet and wall to see what was there and it was a glowing red light.  I was frightened, and called Lynn over to see it.  She was freaked out and said that we have to get it out of there, and we started trying to move furniture to get to it.  Lots of things were blocking the cabinet, like tables and heavy metal things. We needed help, so I went to get PJ.  His door was pulled over but not shut so I called his name and peeked through the opening.  He was slumped over in his chair asleep. I Opened the door and called his name, told him we were almost done but we needed his help.  He came out, looked at my desk and said oh good and  then I woke up.

Lost and blue

Yeah that......

Related to the "Nagging Fear" post

              So funny how you just get the feeling that something isn't right.  Yeah i said there were no red flags, but obviously there was.  How about the inability to tolerate anything less than what he considers to be perfect.  Outright rude to neighbors, strangers, and others.  I believe it was all just an escape route for him.  A way to get out of the situation he was in.  No one goes from the complete total opposite ends of the spectrum like that without hidden motives already in play.  unlike anything I've seen before. Yeah i'm hurt.  it's been a couple months now, being single again that is.  I like being single, actually I love it.  I'm very comfortable with myself, more comfortable then I have been for a while, but having him still so close makes is just a constant reminder that just across the hall from me is the man that was so different (in the beginning)  the man that said and acted like I meant the world to him.  Yeah just across the hall, moved out, but not far.   The strange thing is that we are still friends.  he says he still cares about me.  he's helping me pay off a repair bill for my car.  Why?   I don't get it.  He can be so flipping nice and yet so strange.   Every time I look at him I just want to say a bunch of stuff to him. Let him know just how bad he hurt me.  I don't though, I don't say anything.  Before he moved out I did tell him that if he keeps treating people like they are indispensable that's all he will ever have is his career.  don't think he saw that coming, cause he questioned me about "calling him out" yet this is after he blew his opinions all over me about my life, the mistakes that my daughters have made, and my past relationships.  I recently had a friend of mine ask me why I keep picking losers.  Wow that struck a nerve, cause this one was seemed totally different.  no drugs or alcohol issues, 20 years at his job, ex marine, no criminal records.  I don't know what to say except I know I'm better off because what he showed me was not unconditional love at all.  I told him that too, I told him I deserve unconditional love, and this sure wasn't it.