Wednesday, August 28, 2013
So many changes
Have released so much negativity from my life and I can finally breath again. I am actually starting to feel like myself again. I had lost myself many years ago and I have been riding a horrible roller coaster of insanity for many years. Dealing with a close family member that is a lot of the time very hard to deal with, and having my kindness mistaken for weakness by men that didn't even deserve one ounce of my time or precious energy. I am free, thank God! I have a wonderful man in my life and couldn't be happier with him. I wasn't dreaming a whole lot for the longest time and when I did they were scant or not even worth writing about and to be honest sometimes I just didn't care about anything so what did it matter. Last year one of my cousins took her life and today I learned that her father, my uncle has past away. These deaths leave me feeling empty inside and longing for the way things used to be when I was younger. I guess I am feeling sorry for myself but it is a shame when events tear a family apart and those people that are supposed to be family start taking sides and drift away from one another. It is sad. Plain and simple it is sad, and it makes me sad. with the learning of each of these deaths it floods my mind with thoughts of my grandmother which I lost 21 years ago. I long to feel a close family connection like I felt when I was younger. I know that now my roll is grandmother, or as I am called Mimi. I love being a grandmother, but do not feel that tight bond as a family unit that my grandmother had between all of us - my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Life happens and everyone deals with it, but I feel some regret that I have not pulled everyone together like possibly I should have. One would think that my mother would be the one to be the center of this unit now at least on our end of the world, but unfortunately that is not the way it is. However two of my aunts that I was quit close to as a child are reaching out to me and my mother and to say the least - lunch this Saturday should be fairly interesting.
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