just who I am

     A lot has been going in in my mind lately.  Lots of tortured emotions wrestling around in my psyche.  Feelings of guilt and anger and disappointment towards people i genuinly care a great deal for. Sometimes I toss around the idea of becoming a hermit.  A stretch farther then my usual introvertism.  I just feel totally run down trying to keep everyone happy, trying to do as much as I can to keep peace and still keep a smile on my face.  I find it hard to not have an intense feeling of empathy towards everybody, even people I do not particularly care for.  It seems to come so easy to some people to become completely act like they are  void of empathy and compassion for people.  I'm not going to change who I am.  I won't change who I am.  I'm not going to change who I am.  I am nice to people, i help people, i talk in a friendly tone and listen when people talk.  Even if i dont really care a great deal about what they are saying.  This tends to become exhausting, and this is one reason why I avoid a huge amount of social obligations, especially ones involving large amounts of people, doesn't even matter if it is family or not.  Sensory overload as I tend to call it lately.  I think it sums it up fairly well.  Too much talking, too much noise, too many things going on all at once, makes me want to disappear somewhere nice and quiet so I can hear myself think.  I'm an over thinker. I'm an over anaylizer, but this is me, just me.

jellyfish, lost details

Kicking myself for not jottimg down my dreams as soon as I wake up.  I've lost major details that are almost always so clear upon waking.  I hate that I do that.  Over the past few weeks I've been waking up in the middle if the night because of my dreams.  Not horrifying but odd.  One of my ex where I was trying to convince people about his drug use and lies.  I remember feeling quit upset that he was going around acting like he was golden.  Enough on that.  Last night was a water dream again.  Ocean shore with a ton of those tiny jellyfish.  I was raking at them, trying to capture one to get a closer look.  I felt so intrigued that they were see through.  Another dream that I just about completely lost all recollection of, damn.  Going to try and be me committed to this than I have been lately.